I never thought I would be a famous historian. This is largely because I'm not an academic or a biographer or particularly interested in history. I am, however, very interested in being famous. So when TIME didn't pick a Person of the Decade this year, I decided to do it myself.
Not wanting to read a bunch of old newspapers, I sought advice from former TIME editor Henry Muller, who picked Mikhail Gorbachev as the 1980s Person of the Decade. "The process is pretty simple. Pretend to consult a lot of people, and then make the decision yourself," he told me. I did him one better. I pretended to pretend to consult a lot of people and made the decision myself.
One obvious choice was Osama bin Laden, since he reconfigured the relationship between the Arab and Western worlds and gave action movies bad guys who made sense again. But picking bin Laden would lead to a lot of hate mail and lose me a bunch of readers. Same with George W. Bush. China had a good decade, but there was no way I was going to search 1.3 billion people on Facebook to find out who was responsible. And picking generic "Chinese guy" seemed like one of those experiences that would feel good at the time but leave me unsatisfied an hour later.
Another problem was that I'd have to write a profile on my person, and none of my choices seemed likely to respond in the 48 hours between when I thought of this idea and when the column was due. Which is how I decided on the Google guys, Sergey Brin and Larry Page. They have a publicist who returns e-mails. And if I've learned one thing these past 10 years, it's that without the help of a high-level exec at their company, there's nothing a man can do to stop his No. 1 Google image from being a high school photo of himself at the Jersey Shore with a mullet down to his butt. (See the best pictures of 2009.)
The greatest thing about picking Person of the Decade is that you get to write in the inflated style that TIME reserves for this issue. It doesn't even have to make sense; it just has to sound as though it makes sense, like the stuff Sarah Jessica Parker typed on Sex and the City: In a decade when power shifted from organizations to individuals, when writers became cheap and librarians dear, when giving things away was the most successful business model, these men used their ingenuity to organize, connect and map our planet. For these reasons, and the fact that they can keep "Joel Osteen" from popping up every time you try to find me online, Sergey Brin and Larry Page are TIME's Persons of the 2000s. It turns out writing like this is totally easy. (See pictures of the worst decade ever.)
The Google guys, however — after Googling a few of my columns — decided not to talk to me. But this did not stop the writers who profiled TIME's Person of the Year when they were unable to score interviews with the computer (1982), the planet (1988) or even You (2006), when You were too busy flipping houses and hedge-fund investing. It's not going to stop me either:
Declining to sit down with TIME in Google's office in Menlo Park, Calif., the Google guys are making applications that will one day turn the human race into a bunch of fat idiots, subservient to robots, while they take all our money. (I am seriously mad at them for not talking to me.) (See the 50 best websites of 2009.)
With my place as a great historian secured, I moved on to my runner-up. I picked the person I think is the best chef in America, Thomas Keller. In a decade when food became both entertainment and politics, when obscure ingredients filled grocery-store aisles, when I had to go outside in zero-degree weather to suck in air in order to keep from barfing after gorging on 22 courses at his restaurant Per Se but then ate four more courses, Keller led the way by focusing on being the best instead of hosting a Food Network show. For these reasons, Thomas Keller is TIME's runner-up Person of the 2000s. Seriously, the only thing easier than writing like that is writing the profile of him:
During an intimate sit-down with the Napa Valley, California, chef, in which I was sitting at a desk in Los Angeles with a cell phone and he may or may not have been sitting, Keller gave credit to his staff and farmers. Then he said something about the food chain, followed by "You'll get free food for the next decade." I know it's early, but it's hard for me to see how Keller isn't going to be the Person of the 2010s. (See the top 10 everything of 2009.)
As a famous historian, I realize that people are going to argue with my choice. I welcome that discussion as long as I don't have to listen to it. I will be busy doing famous-historian stuff, like droning on to Ken Burns, blurbing books I haven't read and sleeping with grad students. Though deep down, I wonder if we should have just done a Bravo show about the real columnists of TIME magazine instead. I know how this decade really worked.
LOS ANGELES — Jennifer Jones, an Oscar-winning Hollywood leading lady in the 1940s and 1950s, died of natural causes at her home in Malibu, California, a spokeswoman said Thursday. She was 90.
Jones, who won the best actress Oscar in 1943 for her role in "The Son of Bernadette," was hailed by critics and public alike for her roles alongside Hollywood heavyweights like Gregory Peck, Humphrey Bogart, Rock Hudson and Laurence Olivier.
She was married three times, including to "Gone With the Wind" director David Selznick and to industrialist Norton Simon, whose art collection on his death in 1943 went to found the art museum in Pasadena, California, that bears his name.
The 2010 Golden Globe nominations have been announced and it’s prediction time!
Also of note is Meryl Streep’s two nods, in the same category, for different movies. She’ll probably win the Globe for her role in “Julie & Julia”.
Of course, Gabourey Sidibe will probably win for her role in “Precious”, but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Helen Mirren swept in for the win. I’m really glad to see Jon Hamm on this list, too, even if just for the fact that he’s a hot Don Draper. Yum. Also missing is Vincent Kartheiser, who plays Pete on “Mad Men”. Or even John Slattery, for that matter.
The awards show airs on January 17, 2010 on NBC at 8PM EST.
Who are you rooting for? Who are you missing from the list of nominations?
BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA AVATAR THE HURT LOCKER INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS PRECIOUS UP IN THE AIR
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA EMILY BLUNT - THE YOUNG VICTORIA SANDRA BULLOCK - THE BLIND SIDE HELEN MIRREN - THE LAST STATION CAREY MULLIGAN - AN EDUCATION GABOUREY SIDIBE - PRECIOUS
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA JEFF BRIDGES - CRAZY HEART GEORGE CLOONEY - UP IN THE AIR COLIN FIRTH - A SINGLE MAN MORGAN FREEMAN - INVICTUS TOBEY MAGUIRE - BROTHERS
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL (500) DAYS OF SUMMER THE HANGOVER IT’S COMPLICATED JULIE & JULIA NINE
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL SANDRA BULLOCK - THE PROPOSAL MARION COTILLARD - NINE JULIA ROBERTS - DUPLICITY MERYL STREEP - IT’S COMPLICATED MERYL STREEP - JULIE & JULIA
For more, follow me after the jump!
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL MATT DAMON - THE INFORMANT! DANIEL DAY-LEWIS - NINE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. - SHERLOCK HOLMES JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT - (500) DAYS OF SUMMER MICHAEL STUHLBARG - A SERIOUS MAN
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS CORALINE FANTASTIC MR. FOX THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG UP
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM BAARIA (ITALY) BROKEN EMBRACES (SPAIN) THE MAID (CHILE) A PROPHET (FRANCE) THE WHITE RIBBON (GERMANY)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE PENÉLOPE CRUZ - NINE VERA FARMIGA - UP IN THE AIR ANNA KENDRICK - UP IN THE AIR MO’NIQUE - PRECIOUS JULIANNE MOORE - A SINGLE MAN
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE MATT DAMON - INVICTUS WOODY HARRELSON - THE MESSENGER CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER - THE LAST STATION STANLEY TUCCI - THE LOVELY BONES CHRISTOPH WALTZ - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE KATHRYN BIGELOW - THE HURT LOCKER JAMES CAMERON - AVATAR CLINT EASTWOOD - INVICTUS JASON REITMAN - UP IN THE AIR QUENTIN TARANTINO - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE NEILL BLOMKAMP - DISTRICT 9 MARK BOAL - THE HURT LOCKER NANCY MEYERS - IT’S COMPLICATED JASON REITMAN - UP IN THE AIR QUENTIN TARANTINO - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE “CINEMA ITALIANO” — NINE “I WANT TO COME HOME” — EVERYBODY’S FINE “I WILL SEE YOU” — AVATAR “THE WEARY KIND (THEME FROM CRAZY HEART)” — CRAZY HEART “WINTER” — BROTHERS
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA BIG LOVE (HBO) DEXTER (SHOWTIME) HOUSE (FOX) MAD MEN (AMC) TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA GLENN CLOSE - DAMAGES JANUARY JONES - MAD MEN JULIANNA MARGULIES - THE GOOD WIFE ANNA PAQUIN - TRUE BLOOD KYRA SEDGWICK - THE CLOSER
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA SIMON BAKER - THE MENTALIST MICHAEL C. HALL - DEXTER JON HAMM - MAD MEN HUGH LAURIE - HOUSE BILL PAXTON - BIG LOVE
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL 30 ROCK (NBC) ENTOURAGE (HBO) GLEE (FOX) MODERN FAMILY (ABC) THE OFFICE (NBC)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL TONI COLLETTE - UNITED STATES OF TARA COURTENEY COX - COUGAR TOWN EDIE FALCO - NURSE JACKIE TINA FEY - 30 ROCK LEA MICHELE - GLEE
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL ALEC BALDWIN - 30 ROCK STEVE CARELL - THE OFFICE DAVID DUCHOVNY - CALIFORNICATION THOMAS JANE - HUNG MATTHEW MORRISON - GLEE
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION JANE ADAMS - HUNG ROSE BYRNE - DAMAGES JANE LYNCH - GLEE JANET McTEER - INTO THE STORM CHLOË SEVIGNY - BIG LOVE
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION MICHAEL EMERSON - LOST NEIL PATRICK HARRIS - HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER WILLIAM HURT - DAMAGES JOHN LITHGOW - DEXTER JEREMY PIVEN - ENTOURAGE
Stay tuned for our coverage of the Globes, as well as the full winners list!
here is a new Tiger Woods affair photo. In fact there are two.
The latest to join the "I Had An Affair with Tiger Woods" club are Theresa Rogers and Julie Postle.
Rogers reportedly is now a client of Gloria Allred, who is also Rachel Uchitel (Tiger Woods mistress #1 who broke this scandal wide open) attorney. It is alleged that Rogers was intimate with Woods before and after his marriage to wife, Elin Nordegren.
Julie Postle supposedly met Woods while she was working as a waitress in cocktail bar. No big surprise there.
What may or may not be a surprise, is that Woods is losing millions and millions of dollars due to his adulterous ways:
1. Payoff to mistress # 1, Rachel Uchitel. 2. Loss of money from endorsements when Accenture, Gatordade and Gillette dropped him (or are limiting his commercials) like a hot potato. 3. The "indefinite break" from golf to focus on his family. 4. Tthe most painful and costly effect of the Tiger Woods Affair Photos, is yet to be determined by the woman who was hurt the most: If or when his wife Elin, plans on to divorce him.
The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty aired 12-13 on A&E. The show will focus on Marlon, Jermaine, Jackie and Tito Jackson as they try to reunite the iconic ‘Jackson 5′ back on the stage. However, with the untimely death of brother Michael the show takes a dramatic turn.
A train wreck waiting to happen, or a pleasant surprise? You decide and let us know.
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